ink spills on paper..

I wonder if Scrooge woke up with a grin or a grimace on Christmas Eve...

2009-12-24T11:01:20Z

You know, it doesn't feel like Christmas, plain and simple. The magic has been lost, and not because of age, either. The holidays have been nothing more than a family bedlam out in Clark for at least the past four years. It's moved to Manhattan. and I really, don't want to go out there. Matter of fact, I don't even wanna look at them until 2010. I enjoyed Thanksgiving by myself for the most part, and I gave thanks for protecting my sanity. Had I gone, that'd be another seven months of therapy that I'd have to pay for after my mental breakdown at thirty.

I may be bah humbug, but Lexus doesn't have to rub it in my face with their bullshit christmas commercials with the big red bow on their cars. BEE EM DUBZ FO LYFEEE. <3

And to add insult to injury, my mother mistakenly threw away my last four vicodin. Probably at a shitty time too because my back is killing me.

Almost every city agency is off today without pay. I'm off with pay. It's called being an essential municipal service. SUCK IT, GOVERNMENT CUTBACKS, THE COMMON MAN BEAT YOU AGAIN. I figure our time will come around...but not for us outdoor workers. They make a ton more across the street at administration, so they'd save more like that.

To everyone out there, Have a merry christmas if you're not miserable with family. If you're in the same boat as me? Drink it off and hang with someone who is also in the same boat. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be alone and miserable.

drugs are bad, m'kay?

2009-12-14T01:39:45Z

Did I spend almost the entire day sleeping? I literally woke up at 3:47 P.M. FML. I had shit to do today.

KIDS, DON'T DO DRUGS.

philanderous @ 2009-12-12T20:14:00

2009-12-13T01:14:52Z

This shit was over before it even started, and I'm kinda glad for Cetta. I've read the whole aftermath story, and that cunt got off lucky. Not for nothihg though, this could have gotten extremely personal in a worst case scenario.

Anyhoo, in local news...I haven't gotten any of my family done for christmas shopping. And, it's two weeks away. fuck me.

I'm watching family feud and It brings me back to the boring ass weekends I used to have..watching the game show network. This is when they ran re-runs of old 70's-80's gameshows like card sharks, and press your luck. I watched with bated breath as richard dawson came out to host family feud and subtly fondle every good looking woman from 21-49. That man is a god amongst men because chicks lived for that back then. The man was a sex symbol. Where have those good times gone? They need to bring back press your luck. I rather enjoyed following along at home shouting at the tv " C'MON BIG MONEY BIG MONEY NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY STOP!!! " Now, we have choads like Drew Carey hosting the price is right. That show was my weekday morning cartoons when I was home playing hooky from school.

eh, that was my random thought for the day.

AOL's betting line on fatmas.

2009-12-11T15:29:29Z

drilIed (9:05:13 AM): I should run a betting line on this.
drilIed (9:05:50 AM): namely the first person to be a captain save-a-ho. the first person to officially be butt hurt by this, etc.
Concetta (9:06:47 AM): DAAVID
Concetta (9:06:49 AM): SAVE A HO
drilIed (9:06:53 AM): BINGO.

Well...here's the betting lines on this internet troll fest.

First to play Captain Save A Ho:

Daavid: 1-3
Juinjutsu Danny: 2-1
Bryan: 7-1 [ He'll probably call us morons. ]
Mark: 10-1
The rest of everyone: OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND-1
Field: OTB [ off the board, scouters are broken. ]

philanderous @ 2009-12-11T08:58:00

2009-12-11T13:59:01Z

Well, I'm up to my old tricks again. Don't believe me? Ask Cetta.

Sometimes in life, there comes a point where you have to shed some people off of you to know who's real and who's fake in this world. As I caught up on my light internet drama reading, a certain person who I once considered a friend showed their true colors. If there's one thing I cannot stand in this world, are internet whores lying through their teeth just to feel " accepted. " only to wreck relationships. But then again, Mark did that shit on his own. But, back to the subject matter on hand, you are fake. Bridges are burned now, so I'm gonna do everything in my power to make you as uncomfortable as possible, just in the same way you've made Cetta uncomfortable. Girl is like family to me and you're gonna do something fucked up like weave a web of lies and deception? What is WRONG with you? Is there some kinda screw loose up there? [ Don't answer that, that's rhetorical. ] What possibly drove you to do all of that? That is not rhetorical. You did tell me you changed, not for the better either. That kinda change is not worthy of my friendship, and I know it's the pot calling the kettle black and all. However, everyone I've thrown under the bus deserved it because they are a detriment to human society in some way, shape, or form, and/or have wronged me in a way that has caused me some kind of physical or emotional distraught. Bitch, what is your damage? What. Is. Your. DAMAGE? I'm not a man of many words unless you get me high, but Bri, really, you done fucked up now. Karma is a bitch, and you will find that out first hand.

Concetta [11:36 A.M.]: LMAO
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: god imagine mark
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: ontop of bri
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: bris double chins
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: all like
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: protruding out
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: as she smiles with her toothy grin
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: that makes it look like
Concetta [11:44 A.M.]: shes looking at a feast for dinner
drilIed [11:44 A.M.]: ...
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: the smell brandon
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: the fucking smell.
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: her crazy eyes gleaming
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: like "yes i got him finally"
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: UGGGHH LOL
Concetta [11:45 A.M.]: THE WETNESS ALL ON HER THIGHS AND WHATNOT

Moving.

2009-06-22T23:57:26Z

My LJ has moved. = strangleholds.livejournal.com

add me, hate me, whatever.

philanderous @ 2009-05-23T21:07:00

2009-05-23T01:11:53Z

I have shown weakness, but my point was made perfectly clear. That is all.

philanderous @ 2009-05-19T23:34:00

2009-05-19T03:37:39Z

" My enemies are mounting, but none can wound me, individually or collectively. " - anonymous.

The following post...has been paid for by the New World Order.

2009-05-18T04:42:06Z

ecoIogicaI [9:23 P.M.]: you've been being really bitchy to me for no reason every so often lately.
ecoIogicaI [9:23 P.M.]: there is no wrong or right person to be iming you about anything
ecoIogicaI [9:23 P.M.]: you don't need to get an attitude with me for NO reason.
mobiIized [9:24 P.M.]: i'm not catching an attitude. since when are you qualified to sense emotion through text?
ecoIogicaI [9:25 P.M.]: there it goes again.
ecoIogicaI [9:25 P.M.]: and because i have something to compare it to. you used to be nice to me. that changed VERY suddenly
mobiIized [9:26 P.M.]: well people do change.
mobiIized [9:26 P.M.]: it's a fact of life.
ecoIogicaI [9:26 P.M.]: not like that.
ecoIogicaI [9:26 P.M.]: stop making up bs excuses
mobiIized [9:26 P.M.]: like you did? but that's a different story.
ecoIogicaI [9:26 P.M.]: just stop bsing and making up excuses. what the ell is your problem?
ecoIogicaI [9:26 P.M.]: oh, so that's what it's about?
ecoIogicaI [9:26 P.M.]: giselle never changed, sweety.
ecoIogicaI [9:27 P.M.]: i was damn nice about the situation when it happened so don't even.
ecoIogicaI [9:27 P.M.]: i could've been a supercunt and been like 'umno. sorry. leave now. thanks.'
mobiIized [9:27 P.M.]: I'd have been gone that night but I didn't feel like driving 4 hours at night.
ecoIogicaI [9:28 P.M.]: what does that have to do with ANYTHING? nothing at all. irrelevent.
ecoIogicaI [9:28 P.M.]: my point is i'm not a bitch 'cause a bitch would've made you leave.
mobiIized [9:28 P.M.]: and that's supposed to make everything okay?
mobiIized [9:29 P.M.]: but whatever, I've came to grips with it already.
ecoIogicaI [9:29 P.M.]: i never said it did?
ecoIogicaI [9:29 P.M.]: wtf man.
ecoIogicaI [9:29 P.M.]: you aren't even making sense right now.
ecoIogicaI [9:29 P.M.]: know this.
mobiIized [9:30 P.M.]: I'm making plenty of sense. we're just not on the same page.
mobiIized [9:30 P.M.]: but we never were, were we?
ecoIogicaI [9:30 P.M.]: suppose we weren't. regardless, my point is you're being attitudey with me for no reason and you're saying you're not. evidently you're aware you're being bitchy because you're bringing siht up that doesn't need to be at this moment, but yet you still refuse to admit it.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: and instead of trying to talk to me about issues, you just keep to yourself and snap at me when you feel like it.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: no man, it doesn't work that way.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: don't snap at me 'cause i don't deserve it.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: shit didn't work but that doesn't make either of us bad people.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: but i'm through. whatever dude.
mobiIized [9:31 P.M.]: good, I was done about five minutes ago.
ecoIogicaI [9:31 P.M.]: ...

Until The last Heartbeat

2009-04-01T01:44:09Z

In this city that echoes of hallowed tradition
lies a district of streetlights and delineated hopes
smoked filled rooms and emotional sedition
lives are lived until the last heartbeat
in which the battle of ideals becomes a war of attrition
between left and right, pure and tainted
the pianist plays a timeless rendition
coupled with dulcet tones of lust and desire
defying my logic and life, in critical condition
lovers dance and tease with subtle infatuation
this nostalgia brings me to an awkward position
of a time where I lived until the last heartbeat
a moment that in which I acted on my volition
to a fleeting moment that defined my voice
once I lost that momentary acquisition
the remains had exploited my true nature
as if it were a cryptical transmission
once the true message had been decoded
I did not regret that conventionally odd decision
until the last heartbeat we thrived and survived
through revolutions and extensive transition
and through this room, this part of town
we carry out our wills with surgical precision
defying all establishment and regimes
a free mind is the only entrance admission.

The Viper

2009-03-31T03:23:49Z

So alone in this downtrodden room
alone with my thoughts and regrets
I take pen to paper to compose the remains
of my broken heart with surgical precision.
The ink being my life blood
to paint the undead a picture of my soul.
A literary vision to invoke emotions
that I cannot express in spoken word.
I feel as if my sins float about me in spectral form,
to haunt me and provide a solemn reminder
of misgivings and shortcomings of the past.
I cannot move on from this no matter how hard I try.
How fast I run.
How far I fall.
The future is so close, yet so far
from my present of suffering and anger.
The specters taunt me, and I attempt not to submit to their will.
It is a constant reminder of who I used to be
Angry, sadistic, violent, cold, and calculating
Like a dark eyed viper, a perfect predatory creature.
Under a false pretense, I've tried to change my ways.
only to be coaxed back into my old skin.
reverse shedding, only to go back to the same ol, same ol
A viper can't change his ways, but his heart can break the same.
and when it does...now he knows how it felt to do unto others,

:DDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-02-27T03:30:07Z

I have found love when I least expected it. <3

I wanna stay and hope for the end of the world

2009-02-13T15:03:07Z

Yo..on some real shit...Aesop Rock is RIDICULOUS!

LOL, so much for the thought-provoking livejournal post. The art is dead!

ao_crybabies.

2009-02-07T01:26:01Z

I will keep this short and sweet. I don't want to hear from some "knight in shining armor" middle man. If you want an apology..grow some fortitude and come see me. I'm really not hard to find, Junne. Seriously. But I find it ironic...the way you claim I was on Jasmine's dick..is the way James is on yours. There is a difference though. I ain't a dickrider like you. :]

AHAHAHAH KIDS ARE IDIOTS.

2009-02-05T22:30:30Z

LMAO..I'm still trying to catch my breath right now, because of this idiot [ sn; michaelvdaniel ] who took my drilied profile waaay too seriously. I should have kept the first part of the log, but I was tired of dealing with stupidity...you'll see why.

MichaelVDaniel [4:59 P.M.]: YEAH.. YOU'RE THE WEAK ..GOT IT
MichaelVDaniel [4:59 P.M.]: YOU'RE THE STRONG IN THE CHAT ROOMS HUH
MichaelVDaniel [4:59 P.M.]: LOL
drilIed [4:59 P.M.]: and you're gonna prove what?
drilIed [5:00 P.M.]: that I can wipe the floor with a loud mouth irl?
drilIed [5:00 P.M.]: please
drilIed [5:00 P.M.]: grow up
MichaelVDaniel [5:00 P.M.]: LOL
drilIed [5:00 P.M.]: because the only one I see here popping off at the lip is you
drilIed [5:00 P.M.]: and that's how ya snot box gets rocked
MichaelVDaniel [5:01 P.M.]: I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF YOUR LITTLE PROFILE
MichaelVDaniel [5:01 P.M.]: YEAH.. YOU'RE A BITCH WITH A BIG MOUTH..DIME A DOZ
MichaelVDaniel [5:01 P.M.]: BYE
drilIed [5:01 P.M.]: well, I'd be scared if you could roleplay half as good as you talk
MichaelVDaniel [5:02 P.M.]: LOL I LIVE IT, I DONT PLAY IT
MichaelVDaniel [5:02 P.M.]: GET IT
drilIed [5:02 P.M.]: wow..have fun in a false reality then
MichaelVDaniel [5:03 P.M.]: LOL IF YOU WERE REALLY FROM BOSTON YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT FSU IS AND STANDS FOR
drilIed [5:03 P.M.]: well I'm not you idiot
drilIed [5:03 P.M.]: I like the red sox though
drilIed [5:03 P.M.]: so congratulations for wasting your time
drilIed [5:03 P.M.]: shows how much of an idiot you really are.
MichaelVDaniel [5:04 P.M.]: GOOD NOW I DONT HAVE TO HUNT YOU DOWN
MichaelVDaniel [5:04 P.M.]: YEAH.. TUFF TALK FROM A LITTLE BITCH IN REAL LIFE BUT A BANGER ON AOL
MichaelVDaniel [5:04 P.M.]: LOL
MichaelVDaniel [5:04 P.M.]: YOU A AOL CHAT ROOM BAD ASS
MichaelVDaniel [5:04 P.M.]: LOL
drilIed [5:04 P.M.]: lol. I doubt you'd talk that shit if you seen me irl
drilIed [5:04 P.M.]: when i'm stomping the shit out of you
drilIed [5:04 P.M.]: but that's cool though
MichaelVDaniel [5:05 P.M.]: LOL
MichaelVDaniel [5:05 P.M.]: YOU THINK HUH
drilIed [5:05 P.M.]: I enjoy kicking the crap out of idiots
drilIed [5:05 P.M.]: who think by typing in caps, it's gonna get your point across
drilIed [5:05 P.M.]: because my text pissed you off
MichaelVDaniel [5:05 P.M.]: THE ONLY THING YOU WOULD HEAR IS MY FOOT COMING DOWN ON YOUR FACE AND YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE CURB
drilIed [5:05 P.M.]: and you think you have some kinda chip on your shoulder
drilIed [5:05 P.M.]: for god know what reason
MichaelVDaniel [5:05 P.M.]: THATS IT
drilIed [5:06 P.M.]: what's the matter, get a plunger up your ass?
MichaelVDaniel [5:06 P.M.]: YEAH WELL I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU WHAT I THOUGHT OF YOUR TUFF GUY PROFILE
drilIed [5:06 P.M.]: or did you play out edward norton's shower scene in american history x?
drilIed [5:06 P.M.]: because you are really butt hurt right now.
MichaelVDaniel [5:06 P.M.]: SKIN HEADS ARE BITCHES
MichaelVDaniel [5:07 P.M.]: THAT WAS SHOWN BY FSU IN THE 90'S GO READ ABOUT IT
drilIed [5:07 P.M.]: lmao..who said I was a skinhead anyway?
drilIed [5:07 P.M.]: you really are an idiot.
drilIed [5:08 P.M.]: like how does it feel to know that your only hope in life is to be a school custodian?
drilIed [5:08 P.M.]: because you lack some kinda knowledge. I'll tell ya.
MichaelVDaniel [5:08 P.M.]: OUCH.. THAT HURT MY FEELING SO BAD
drilIed [5:09 P.M.]: Have fun mopping floors, you braindead republican scumbag.
MichaelVDaniel [5:09 P.M.]: YOUR WIT AS AS SHARP AS A DULL BUTTER KNIFE AND YOUR WORDS SMALL LIKE YOUR DICK
MichaelVDaniel [5:10 P.M.]: YOU REALLY SHOWED ME
MichaelVDaniel [5:10 P.M.]: LOL
drilIed [5:10 P.M.]: wow, and you really showed me with your half-assed attempt to kick my ass.
MichaelVDaniel signed off at 5:11 P.M.

I blocked him because he's about as vacuous as paris hilton's vagina...you only have one shot..and please..PLEASEPLEASE COME CORRECT.

philanderous @ 2009-01-16T20:35:00

2009-01-17T01:36:30Z

giggity giggity...PAINTBALLIN TIME BITCHNOGS.

I say, this would be a bloodbath...but with paint!

Tomorrow. 10AM. Englishtown, NJ

BE THERE OR BE A CHICKENSHIT.

You Make Me Touch Your Hands For Stupid Reasons!

2009-01-08T00:53:23Z

And now that I have everyone's complete and undivided attention...lol, Nah, not really, I wanted to say that...

It sucks when you're sick. You can't really do ANYTHING the way you want. It's quite possibly the most useless feeling in the world. So, to remedy my own sickness..I've decided to have a four day weekend. AIN'T LIFE GRAND?

And now..onto something that has always occured to me. You know that it's....nah. whatever. I'll talk about it later. suddenly i'm not in the mood.

First post of 2009.

2009-01-03T20:47:26Z

Happy New Year! 2009 is finally here..and it's the start of some new beginnings..new daily adventures..but something always remains the same. The fakes of the world. It's ironic that everyone who doesn't like fake people are fakes themselves. It's just a conscious decision to make. You're fake everytime you laugh at a joke that you don't think it's funny..because everyone else does it. You're fake when you kiss your bosses ass. Sometimes, you're even fake in the bedroom, but I won't delve too much into that issue. There are no really 100% genuine people in the world. We are all fake in one way, shape, or form. Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally. However..you can say what you mean..and then you can say what you wanna say and don't mean it. I mean, even I am guilty of it. But I know what I do, I do for a reason. So, to call me two-faced is indeed the truth. However, the reason is more important than the actual action. Most people are generally two-faced by ways of influence of other..saying one thing to another to make them committ an action to feel " accepted " I am two-faced by a more logical means. I will turn my back on you if you're a fucked up individual. Why? Because I don't need someone like you to bring me down. I am no one's puppet or lap dog. What I do is on my own accord and volition. However..you who call me such, you are no different than me..instead of embracing what you are, you decide to point out my flaws, that everyone is well aware of...also of my own accord and volition. Which means? You have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON ME. So, once you can get up to my level, then play the arguing game with me. Let's see how well you fare when all the cards are laid out and we are to match wits, you silly bitch. Yeah. I said shit behind your back because I wanted you know how it feels from the other side. And well, you can't take it too well now can you? S'what I thought. So go on saying your shit...there's nothing you can do or say that can actually hurt me and have any form of negative effect on my life...considering it's the internet modus operandum. But I can jump all over you on certain things...hell, I could even call you Angie, but even SHE had the decency to give me a run for my money. And then you wonder..why oh why isn't Angie as big and bad as she once was? I CUT HER DOWN. THAT'S WHY.

And now..Shooting from the Lip.

2009-01-01T00:05:43Z

And now, I will be doing what I like to call [ and stolen from Daily News crappy sportswriter Mike Lupica ] " Shooting from the Lip.

I'm watching TMZ right now, and realize how very vacuous the media is for Hollywood. The way they report on innane happenings of people who in no way affect their own personal life is completely irrelevant. Like..who cares about Natalie Portman's dog taking a piss at LAX?

The Jets finally fire coach Eric "Mangenius " Mangini. I've figured he'd be gone after starting Kellen Clemens once upon a time, in a galaxy Farve, Farve away...

Illinois Govenor " Hot " Rod Blagojevich appointed some guy named Burress to replace Barack Obama's seat. There are two more that are named Burress that are worthy...Plaxico and Meredith...oh wait. Meredith was Burgess. He'd still kick Toupee man's ass from the heavens above. As for Plax? I figure he was worth a longshot in the running.

Akon is not only a lying sack of shit...he's in the running with Charlie Murphy, the late Bernie Mac, Wesley Snipes, and Charlie Murphy for being the Blackest nigga ALIVE. MAN IS HE DARK. I know that Bernie is dead, he is alive in everyone's spirit. He has made countless people laugh over the years..and I salute him for shunning controversy and mixing truth with comedy...and I loved Dollar Bill in The Player's Club.

Is it me, or is the mayor of New Yawk, Michael Jewbag--er Bloomberg is trying to re-enact what emperor palpatine did in episode two and three, with Caroline Kennedy playing the part of Anakin Skywalker? I mean, it's a travesty to what a democracy really is. Sooner or later, the NYPD will walk around in storm trooper outfits.

" Grimace is Ronald McDonald's Autistic friend. " That will be my thought for 2009.

Speaking of 2009....'08 hasn't been a banner year for me...but '09 will be a breakout year for me...literally.

" The sight of that parade of broken dead had left my eyes so sotten with their tears, I longed to stay and weep... " - Dante's Inferno, The Divine Comedy.

philanderous @ 2008-12-30T17:20:00

2008-12-30T22:37:05Z

" Without beginning or end, the ring stretches into the infinite. " - Ace Combat Zero, The Belkan War.

Well, for once..I have nothing to talk about. Nothing. Writers block maybe? Nah. Oh! Now that I think about it...

Xenogears is quite possibly the best non Final Fantasy RPG that Square Enix [ SquareSoft at the time ] has ever made. Mind you, I was only 13 when I played it, and I've been completely captivated by the story's underlying themes of Freudism and Jungism, not to mention the Religious undertones. It has made me a wiser and better person in general for playing. Normally these days, everyone's looking for a Final Fantasy which is overrated and overstylized for the inherent lack of substance. Now, every Square fanboy/girl is probably gonna curse me out when I say this. Xenogears is better than Final Fantasy 7, flat out. Sure FF7 delves something into Psychology, but it's made simplified for the idiots who cannot understand the story by throwing in an overstylized DBZ fight scene [ See FFVII: AC ] here and there. The characters lack depth sadly, but no one will ever admit that because it's the first RPG they have ever played. Posers of the gaming world unite under the banner of ShinRa, apparently. Meanwhile, Xenogears takes on some serious religious and psychological issues that are rampant in todays world, and tackles them well. Take Fei for instance..he plays the Ego. He is trying to keep his Id in check. [ pardon the pun, if you don't get it then you are irrelevant to this posting. ] Grahf, would take upon the role of SuperEgo, which feeds into Id, causing the ego [ Fei ] to lose control, succumbing to his Id side, and the game is not just focused on that. Take feelings of worthlessness, such as Ramsus. He was created by Krelian to be the ideal member of the so called " Perfect Society " with powers equal to their leader, Emperor Cain. [ another religious mention of Cain and Abel, with Abel being " Fei " which would denote a brotherly relationship. However, that is not mentioned in the game. ] However, a revelation on how he wasn't chosen to become the " Contact " had branded him trash, a reject, etc. To kill Fei, was now the very meaning of his existance, and he even failed at that. In the end, he had come to grips to what he had become, and chose to challenge Fei one more time after the iconoclastic conflict for supremacy. Also, it delves into heavily into religion. Take the Ethos for example. They are the prime example of catholicism. They offer salvation to those who are down-trodden, lost faith, and destitute. However, they have their own agenda. They are agents of Solaris, which is almost depicted as Heaven, as it is high in the sky, out of sight to the world. The Ethos are the complete opposite of The Nisan sect, which I would assume to be the " idealist " christianity. It's just a great game, hands down.

Now, I have been confronted about who I am, and what I choose to do and not to do. The internet feeling is such a fragile thing, so whatever I do is on my own volition. If you get butthurt about what I do or say, that's just tough. Considering the person in I am refferring to is guilty of the same thing. Wouldn't that be a hypocrite in my...or anyone's book? Now, I entered a chat, not to start trouble..and, the drama queen she is, decides to get all butthurt. There's an old saying...don't dish it out if you can't take it. Now Junne...grow up. I'm not afraid to mention names around here. I do what I do, when I feel like it, and If I don't like whats going on with any of the people I consider a friend, I'm gonna take things into my own hands. Self-righteous as it may be, I only speak the truth as seen through my own eyes. Now if everyone wants to play buddy buddy after a while of mudslinging, that's fine. Apparently, I never got that memo. Now, onto the whole two-faced thing..James knows it best. The only person I am loyal to is myself. You are just the same as me, no matter what spin you put on it. I've accepted who I am..but you won't, and probably never will. I can't change that, nor will I try. And that is all that I will say on the subject. Whether you read this or not, I really don't care. I don't like to waste time on those not really worthy enough to actually try to come to some form of closure with. Cheers.

Auld lang syne...Heather on friday after work, and then probably there all weekend in PA. I have some inkwork to get. =)

Bah. mother. fucking. HUMBUG.

2008-12-25T16:02:33Z

Every year in Clark, NJ, there is quite possibly the most dysfunctional gathering of miscreats and hooligans ever seen in Union County.This my friends, is my Christmas gathering. Typical family rants, but this year..things got a little more escalated that I originally anticipated. I will get to that eventually, but...

Well, I got jack shit for christmas. I mean I know it's all about giving..but..holy shit. I get dicked this year. I mean I get a digicam last year, but wow. Like, I GOT THE SAME TWO SHITTY GIFTS OTHER THAN THE DIGICAM THAT I GOT LAST YEAR. A FUCKING ICE SCRAPER? REALLY? I HAVE LIKE FIVE OF THOSE. I got better gifts from people who really aren't my family to be honest. My cousin's husband got me a 50 dollar giftcard to borders..and like..holy shit dude. A picture of shel silverstein's the giving tree was on it. like...wow. I dropped back a decade or two. It was most appreciated for the sentiment..which I spent last night ordering up a storm on Borders. I got the Maximum Carnage graphic novel, and two Castlevania mangas. [ They're more like graphic novels, so get off my nuts sonny jim. ] My gramps gave me a 100 dollar money card..which was well spent on an Affliction tee [ my bffl went and got me one on the site, WHEN I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER NO, BUT I <3 YOU ANYWAY HEATHER. ] and I might get a fitted later today. The funniest shit I got this year..was a pack of CONDOMS. From my sister's husband. Thomas, you are one funny dude, man. Thanks! Okay well..I made the best of a shitty christmas. However, that had been dampened by a few certain incidents [ one will remain unmentioned because I said so. ]

Okay, my grandfather didn't show up because he's sick for one..but he's home alone, looking at a picture of Annie; I know he misses her, and I really think that he might die of a broken heart. And there's really nothing we can do about that, no matter how hard you try. They only got married just a few years ago, but they've been together for as long as I can remember. And no matter how much we can smother him with love, it still isn't going to change the way he feels. Not only that, he's shown that McGreevey stubborness. He ain't gonna change how he is. if that didn't make matters worse, Crazy Joan had something better to do that to come see us. Like really. You live alone for a reason..but here's the thing that makes me the most furious. So, my sister calls Ryann, and well they get to talking and what not. My mom looks at her and makes a motion that she doesn't want to talk to her, because it's not the kind of season to start shit, and my mother never forgave her for being a self-important bitch. Really, when I saw her during Thanksgiving, she wasn't too bad. Hopefully within the next five years they'll bury the hatchet. Now, the plot. My older cousin Lauren [ who is quite worse than my sister is now, in my honest opinion. ] Back to the importance, Ryann hands the phone to Lauren to talk to my sister, and my mom tells her the same thing, that she doesn't want to talk to her. Lauren..being the bitch she is...is like " what? " and she knows damn well what she was trying to say. And then in an act of complete defiance..and disregard for all sorts of shit, says " I don't understand what you're trying to say Marci. " Now, that set off my mom, and she cursed out Lauren. Lauren is like HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY. Sadly, it's the truth. You really are a selfish bitch, Lauren. You have no right to involve yourself to incite my mother like that. My mom don't like my sister, and you know that damn well. JUST HAD to start some shit, huh drama queen? I feel bad for Takeshi [ Lauren's husband, the giving tree man and my devils fan bffl. ] who has to put up with her shit. It wasn't a great night..WHY ADD TO IT, YOU FUCKING CUNT? Like..everything was halfway normal for a change, until you decide to turn everything about you, AS USUAL. So what happens? No Christmas up there. No Thanksgiving. Just..alone time I need. They want christmas? have it in SoHo so she can be the pretentious bitch under her own roof. My mom won't be there..and I won't either..not because my family sucks..[ wait, yeah..that's the reason. ] But, because I'll probably be working overtime...thank god for snow removal.

I can't wait to go back to work. I have to give Rob his and Ethel's gifts from the family..and I have a feeling he got me the GTA special edition for 360. God damn Schwartz...you are BALLIN.

philanderous @ 2008-12-12T21:14:00

2008-12-13T02:37:46Z

I figure I'd do something nice for a change. My cousin Ryann scored an internship gig at the NBC affiliate in the Philadelphia area. Although I might be the undisputed brains of the family outfit, she has the complete package, and I can't be any prouder of her. At least someone out of the kids will make something of themselves. But, more importantly..she will be getting her degree in journalism, and thats more I can say about her sister and myself. Her sister will just be an eternal college sophomore...and me? As you well know...I'll settle for the blue collar way of doing things. I figure that was worth mentioning because its a feel good story.

Other than that...the holidays are supposed to be a happy time for everyone and their families. From the joys of giving, to the act of being thankful for what we posess at the moment, the holidays idealize what it means to be human. However, that message has been lost over the recent years. More so, this year. The economic downturn apparently hasnt effected much the overzealousness of shoppers. Case in point, the wal-mart employee who was trampled by shoppers as the doors opened for Black Friday sales. Now, had these people paid more attention instead of filtering their greed, this man, who was a seasonal employee happy to have a weekly paycheck, would still be walking among us today. It's also a travesty that no one would fess up to being a part of the crowd that trampled him. I believe they owe the family that much. I have one thing to say..which matters not because I'm not part of the overopinionated, factless media. You people will have to live with this on your minds as long as you live. Was it worth a man's death for a flatscreen tv? or for that ipod your unappreciative kid will be getting? I don't wish bad on you..but I do wish your conscience to mull over what you have done for a long time, until your mind finally comprehends things other than sales or dollar signs.

My words hurt more than actual feelings could.

2008-12-10T01:47:01Z

Apparently, the word is mightier than the feeling. Well, obviously so because the word invokes the feeling. ...Enough with the philosophical crap. From me. My wisdom can only be imparted in such doses that at times..I stop giving a fuck. I mean..right now, I'm still flying high. Work hasn't gone this good in a long time, and I'm finally coming into my own. However..I find myself unhappy giving advice I wouldn't follow myself. Normally, I end up practicing what I preach, but for once..instead of hard truth..I find myself appeasing to people's whims. I shouldn't do it because it's pretty much going against my own guns. It's like i'm cheating myself..and it's not fair to them..or to myself. However, I can't dictate their life to them..and as much as it frustrates me, I have to take a stand. I cant sacrifice myself for someone else's whims.

Moving on...being single is nice, but..I want something more. Something that has meaning, I want to find the girl that will give me meaning again. However...time and distance are the issues at hand. At first, it was cold feet...but i'm pretty sure after all this time, when I hang with her more, it'll be worth my while..if not? well we won't know what's what until we see now, won't we?

Christmas sucks. Fuck you. And Bah humbug!

philanderous @ 2008-09-23T21:36:00

2008-09-24T02:07:33Z

I hate how people try to impose their wills upon you because they have a high-priced college degree.

That sort of egotistical mindfucking should not have to matter. College is just a crutch for those who have no real direction in life. it's more like " Hey, let's stay in school a bit longer to learn innane shit that we will for the most part, never really have to apply to everyday life, and spend the next ten years trying to pay back that morbidly excessive loan I took out from that entry-level position I could have easily gotten right out of high school. " There goes at least four years of your life down the drain. Unless of course, you're in college for your teaching degree. God bless you. We need more teachers. There are too many young idiots in the world that need proper guidance.

Well, I passed my CDL permit test. Now, what does that mean? It means my job is saved, and October 9th, I have to go take the road test down in Eatontown. HOW FUN IS THAT!? I mean, I get to go down the shore in October, and pass my road test with flying colors. However, this road test is ten times harder than a normal car road test. You have to inspect your vehicular with a fine tooth comb, apparently, and the minute you fuck up, you waste a month of your life. Before you even get onto the road, you have to do your equivalent of a parallel park, with two different basic motions. Straight backing, and my soon to be personal favorite: the alley dock. Now, everyone says I'll have it real suave down at Eatontown, because the examiners are mad chill, but...I can't cut corners on anything. This job is what's the most important to me. Why? The pay, of course. The benefits a close second. I really can't do without either right now. As for the police exam? The results are coming out soon. If I get certified, I don't know what i'll do. I mean, i'm complacent here...at the MUA [ aka, the mostly underachievers authority ] but, who would want to miss out on a gun and a badge? My mother said that I'm gonna take it...but what do I really want? I feel like if I go to the academy, I'm doing it for her. I always wanted to do things for myself. I spent most of my life not having a say in most of the major decisions of my life, and that isn't going to happen again.

Danielle IM'd me last night about going to the Cobra shows next month. Of course I want to go, dammit. But however, the story of my life is all about disappointments. She really thinks that i'm not gonna go. Fuck that noise. I don't know if I can take two sitting of the same sets. Wouldn't that be...redundant? I mean, I went to the All Points West concert at LSP and listened to Thom Yorke's haunting ass sets twice. But then again, Radiohead is ranked over Cobra Starship on my what I'd like to listen to more list.

What am I up to this week/end?

Well...I wanna go to the city saturday. possibly to Urban to get an Obey shirt or two.

Sunday? drinking time with the boys at the Big Apple in Bayonne.

but tomorrow?

PAY DAY BITCHESSS.

Hmph.

2008-09-19T01:22:16Z

No one got my Sarah Palin joke except Christina. :[ bummer.

Tomorrow, will decide my fate...or something like it.